Like many people, I am processing the events of June 12th. 50 people killed, 53 wounded, in a shooting at a nightclub in Orlando, Florida. A gay club, a safe haven where LGBTQI folks can gather to connect, dance, have fun, and instead, on this day, they experienced tragedy. Many did not walk away. It hits too close to home, for so many reasons.
You see, it could have been me. Probably not, because I rarely spend ANY time in clubs these days, but as a bi-woman who cannot stand to be hit on by man after man in a regular dance club, I always enjoyed the LGBTQI clubs SO much more. My favorite club of all times was in Las Vegas, where I was always at home and welcome in the atmosphere of diversity, inclusion, drag queens and straight allies. The chances of my having been at Pulse in Orlando are beyond tiny, yet in another time and place, it could have been me.
And you see, it could have been my best friends. Not likely, as like me they are a bit older these days and don’t spend time in night clubs, but had they been traveling and decided to check out a local bar, my favorite two women could be traumatized, injured, or even dead. Just like that, just for being who they are, they could be gone. I have a whole host of other people in my life who could have been there as well, of course. Most of us do. And I thank the stars and feel so deeply for all who lost people in this senseless violence. It hits close to home, but not as close as it could have.
But you see, it could have been my son. My almost-17-year-old Queer/non-binary/pansexual son. And here is where it really hurts – because a few years from now, they (I will use R’s preferred neutral pronouns) WILL be out at play. Whether that be at a nightclub, or some other LGBTQI friendly space, or simply out in the world being themselves, they will continue to face hatred, misunderstanding, fear, rage, bigotry, and so much more.
This is where I cannot say “but lucky me, that isn’t happening!” Because I know it IS happening – I know they get weird looks, and sometimes hear nasty comments. I know they are looked upon by some as less than, bound for hell, a sinner. It doesn’t matter what fuels that hatred, be it religion, stupidity, upbringing, or something else, I know it is there. My teen knows it is there. The LGBTQI world – WE know it is there.
Usually, I use this blog to present useful solutions and ways to support families and individuals. I don’t have any of those tips to share today. I have my own pain, my own worries and fears, and I have the pain I am feeling for others. All I know is that it really COULD have been my son. And I cannot protect them from the insanity of the world. No one can. And that is a hard thing to face as a mother and fellow human being.
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