Here’s a sports analogy for you: Imagine a professional basketball team. Five players on the court, each doing a critical part. Not everyone is shooting baskets, though each player will have opportunities to do so. On the bench are the coach and other players, watching intently and ready to come in when needed. It may not look like they are doing much except sitting, yet they are observing the people they might need to play against and learning how they move and what may be expected. The coach is calling plays, calling for time-outs, and focusing on what’s working and not working so that he can impart important information to the team each time they talk. When all of these people do their part, the team can win games and succeed – or at least learn and get better. When they don’t, the team loses and their performance stays the same.
Families are much like basketball teams. Each member of a family has a role to play, and the rest of the family depends on the family member to fulfill that role. We need the center to get rebounds, and we count on dad to keep us on schedule. We don’t expect the coach to shoot baskets from the sidelines, and we don’t expect the two year old to cook dinner. None of these players do anything 100% of the time, just like no family member should be expected to ALWAYS be relied on for a certain task or personality trait. Overall, though, we know who to look to when there is something specific that needs to happen.
Teamwork is one of the most essential lessons that can be taught to our children. Not only is it important for children to learn to pitch in and to be responsible, but it is critical for them to see their worth in a family regardless of their ability to do physical work. “We are a TEAM,” is a powerful family agreement, and it can be created by having some family talks about the idea.
Here are some questions you can ask your family that will help form each person as an essential member of the team:
What does TEAM mean to you?
It’s good to start with understanding what each person thinks of when they hear the word team. Explaining the concept to younger children is also important. They likely won’t be able to understand a sports analogy, but they can understand that “being a team is when we all work together to do something.”
What do you already do that contributes to our family?
This can be tasks or chores, but also includes things such as being the person that makes everyone laugh or the one we come to if we feel sad. Children of all ages should be able to see what parents contribute as well – sharing an age appropriate list of the things you do to keep the family running smoothly is important. Acknowledging each person for what they contribute validates what they do and who they are. You can also ask each person what they think the others do and what they provide. It’s a beautiful thing to hear from others what you provide for them.
What could you do that you are not currently doing?
Most parents are guilty of not expecting enough from their children at some point in their development. We get used to doing a certain task on our own and forget to allow the children to learn and grow in that area. If your 8-year-old wants to help with dinner, let him help! He may not be able to do much at first, but by participating he will get a sense of accomplishment, and eventually will learn some valuable skills.
What do you need help with, that you aren’t getting help with right now?
Your children’s answers to this question might surprise you. Jen’s son had a hard time getting dressed in the mornings until he asked for her to help him choose clothes the night before. It became a non-issue, and after a couple of months, he stopped asking for help. This is a great question for parents to really address for themselves and bring up during this conversation. Where could you use help, that your children are capable of providing it? If you’re one of those “I don’t need anything I will just do it myself,” kind of people, take a look at where you could allow your children to shine. It feels good to be of service to others!
What’s missing on our team?
Is there something that no one can do, or a common weakness that needs to be addressed? This may be an area to ask for help or pay an outsider to do the task if that’s in the budget. It could also be an area where the family can learn together – if no one has cooking skills, asking a friend or relative to give you some lessons together can be both fun and useful.
What games does our family want to win?
In other words, what are some things we can set as common goals and work together to achieve them? It could be saving for a vacation (kids can contribute by either earning money or doing things to help the family save money that can then be used towards the trip), getting out of the house with no arguments in the morning, or having family dinner twice a week. Teams need a game to play!
Every family’s strengths and needs are different. By celebrating each individual’s contributions we can create strong teams that work together when things get challenging. Teamwork is a concept that we all need to learn, and teaching children to be good team members will serve them in every area of life. How has your family created teamwork? If you need to schedule a Coaching or Counseling Appointment we are here. Comment below and let us know or Contact Us Here!
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