One of my favorite holiday books for children is “Llama Llama Holiday Drama” by Anna Dewdney. The “Llama Llama’ books are simple and cute – and in this one we see little Llama’s confusion and overwhelm as he experiences holiday preparations, buying gifts for others but nothing for him, and the moment when it all becomes too much. While holidays can be fun, exciting, and joyous, for our little ones it can sometimes also be stressful and exhausting. This year, when many families are adjusting traditions to fit the reality of COVID-19 and social distancing, we have added stresses to navigate.
So how do we help our children enjoy the holidays, and avoid the stress and overwhelm that comes with them? Here are a few suggestions that might help!
1. Countdowns can be helpful.
While excitement builds to the day of Christmas, the first night of Chanukah, or New Year’s Eve, it can be helpful for young ones to have something they can use to mark the time. Advent calendars are easy solutions, but simply marking off days on the calendar together works as well. Not only does it help to limit the “how many days” question, but it also helps them to mentally prepare for a day that will often be very different from the usual routine.
2. Limit the amount of time spent in sensory-rich environments.
The lights and sounds of holiday cheer can be beautiful, but even for children without sensory processing issues, they can overwhelm young ones. If attending events or visiting locations with a lot of sensory input, schedule an age-appropriate amount of time to be there. Generally, 30 minutes or less is plenty of time for any child under six to see all that they need to see.
3. Rethink traditions.
It may be tradition to visit your mom, your dad, each of your grandparents, and your best friend on Christmas Eve, but with a toddler in tow you are setting yourself up for a meltdown! It’s better to space out traditions, doing something unique each day.
4. Remember consent!
When families gather (if that is something you plan to do this year), children often have the experience of being surrounded by strangers. Even though your child may have met Grandpa in years past, they might not remember him now. Don’t force children to hug or kiss people that they don’t feel comfortable with – body autonomy is critical in raising confident and aware children, and the pressure to be in physical contact with someone they don’t want to teach them that they are not allowed to say no.
5. Handle the inevitable meltdowns with care.
Even with the best planning and intentions, you will likely experience at least one moment of frustration, crying, or a loud toddler screaming NO. It can be hard enough handling big emotions on a regular day. Remember that your child needs you now more than ever, when the certainly and familiar routines of life are missing. Follow the steps to connect and care FIRST, and correct only when needed. When we listen to our children and offer them physical and emotional closeness this is often all that is needed to reset and regroup.
What about the extra 2020 challenges? If you are used to getting a picture with Santa every year and don’t want to miss out – but also want to avoid COVID risk – there are online services offering a “picture with Santa” that will add your child’s photo to one of Santa. There are also Virtual Santa Visits and Letters from Santa Claus. Religious services of all kinds are being offered online across the country. Holiday parties via Zoom are a safer option than traveling across the country. This year is certainly not like what we’re used to, but we can find ways to make things special nonetheless.
For more tips on dealing with big feelings in small children, check out our blog post titled “Using Time-Ins to Teach Self-Regulation.’ We also wrote about holidays after divorce, which can be found HERE. Whatever holidays you celebrate, and whatever this year may bring you, we wish you health, love, and joy!
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